Dealing with interpersonal relationships can sometimes be challenging (if not most of the time).

Regardless of the highest professional qualifications, field experience, and given the most appropriate positive attitude towards developing healthy and positive relationships, we know we will usually face different and unexpected reactions caused by decisions, actions, words, mistakes, omissions, that element of unpredictability.  

Either in my role as a mentor or as a teacher, I often face dilemmas but I try to keep goals above any emerging challenge. 

When a student or a mentee feels it’s time to make a change, either to take a break or explore other possibilities to move forward, I try to stay focused, listen and empathise with what my interlocutor feels, sometimes all I say is: “The doors of my classroom will always be opened for you”. 

Challenges in over 25 years of passionate work have been many. Though I have more uncertainties than certainties in my mind, I am certain that when I face a challenge or dilemma, I take a deep breath and take no action until I feel confident to move forward. Sometimes it’s hard as some people might be hurting our feelings, or eventually we might have hurt another person, I try not to take for granted that these actions have been taken intentionally.

As I started to feel more confident with uncertainty, I somehow began to move more smoothly in my personal and professional life. The trick can be considered part of “cheating as learning”. I wrote about it here. I try to recall how my teachers and mentors helped, supported and enlightened me or how they spoiled and made my days more painful. If possible I follow this rule “don’t do what you know will either hurt another person or me”.

Sometimes, there’s no theoretical explanation that can be as strong as sharing a real anecdote. Not very long ago, I was feeling stuck in my classes as a teacher, though my learners were happy I had this feeling that I was missing something. We had internet at home, but I did not know what to do with it, I was getting tired and bored of following course books and spent long hours supporting the material. That was when I decided to look for a mentor. I thought the most successful teacher in my place would be the best mentor I could have. I called her, we arranged a fee and she asked me to meet her at a coffee shop. First mistake? She asked me a cold: “How can I help you?”, the truth is that if I had known how to solve my problem I might not have contacted her. So, she decided that she was going to share “her secrets”. And she told me to check a couple of websites, which proved to be helpful for her staff in her language school.

I went back home, checked the sites, but I realised she had not been really generous and committed to mentor me. More material was not exactly what I really needed; I needed more guidance in adapting to a new world where we were beginning to learn about technology. 

This story has taught me about the importance and the value of empathy, and the difference between professional mentoring and a wrong conception about doing business.

Image: Open door by Dr. Wendy Longo