Sew your wild oats

Aren’t silos evil. Just evil. That whole corn storing thing they do is just so unjust. Personally I advocate storing all corn in my cheeks like an agrarian hamster combine harvester.

Now I don’t need to worry what happens to the silo, and as I long as I don’t cough I’ll be fine….. Or so I thought because this tale is now a warning, on the dangers of jowl corn! Fear the jowl corn!

It turns out those will jowl corn find it hard to speak, and that French kissing when bejowlcorned is like going down on a particularly aggressive muesli

But at least I have no silo! When I speak my grammar has enough fibre to keep anyone listening regular and any second date involves losing more seeds than a particularly eventful Wimbledon.

So short of waiting for pouches what are hamster haters of silos to do! Evolution will only help my children and bar a legalisation of kangaroo sex to create homo bumbagus there is no storage solution we can hope for?


So like Onan scattering his seed on the stony ground, what hope is there for us as the seed keepers?

Well perhaps I could store corn, and then you could have a bit of my corn and I could have a bit of yours, then because I have lots of grain, I could swap with a lot of other people.

That way everyone is their own silo, and everyone is your silo.

Because if we keep our own silo then no one may know of our tasty corn. The Germans will only have rye bread (poor sods) and some people will never meet popcorn! Please, think of the popcorn.

Because it’s great to have your own corn, but sad fact, you’ll die. And no one wants to fish corn from a dead person’s mouth. Well, bar Heston Blumenthal. He loves it. So if we keep our own stuff, but at the same time share it, then well, there is no silo, and we can speak and kiss and not have to worry about it. If our stuff is only in our place, then fail to make a bill payment and your gone, fail to look both ways before crossing a road and your gone. And good news for pigeons who get there before Heston does (and boy, he fast) but bad news for anyone using your stuff.

Imagine a library which contains only the books of the living.